as panic sets in

I think about studying. I dream about the final exam. I even go to the Justice Institute to meet up with my fellow classmates to do some practice. We do some rolls, dust off the AED, look up some incidents on the J.I. website. We have lunch, and all seem to be decidedly done with the practice. No-one appears overly nervous about tomorrow, including me.

And then I come home, and since the house is empty and quiet, I decide a nap will be the perfect thing for Sunday afternoon. It was really a good nap. A fine nap indeed.

The problem now, now that the nap is over, the practice is done, and tomorrow looms closer and closer: the panic is setting in. I can't bring myself to open up the books and begin studying, but my brain decides to run in to overdrive all the same. Situations, skills, happenings, indications and contraindications all keep racing through my head. Doubt creeps in, do I know how to deal with this? What if this comes up on the test? We haven't even looked at how to care for burns for a week, and what if that happens? When do I pull the burn kit out?

I know that this is what God is calling me to do. I know that this is what I will be good at, I have been given a gift of caring & healing. Why then does my whole body feel like there is an electrical current running through me, charging me up, making my muscles tingle with anticipation? Why do I feel this hesitation to open up the books and review one more time the sequence of the patient assessment, and when to use interventions and what guidelines are attached?

How will I keep the panic from setting in Monday morning when it is my turn to show that I am capable of saving a life?